If you're reading this, you may be carrying a kind of grief that feels impossible to explain. You made a decision out of love, often the hardest decision of your life, and now you're left holding a sorrow that doesn't fit neatly into anyone else's understanding of loss. Termination for medical reasons, often shortened to TFMR, is one of the most isolating experiences a parent can face. The world rarely knows what to say. Sometimes, the world doesn't even know it happened.
You are not alone in this. And your grief, in all its tangled, contradictory layers, is valid.
At A New Day Psychology, Dr. Kylie Pottenger provides specialized, compassionate TFMR grief therapy across Missouri, New Jersey, and 40+ PSYPACT states. This article is for the parents in Missouri quietly searching for someone who understands, for the families in New Jersey who feel the silence of a grief no one names, and for anyone who needs to hear, gently and clearly, that what you are feeling makes sense.
What TFMR Actually Means, and Why Language Matters
Termination for medical reasons refers to the heartbreaking decision to end a wanted pregnancy due to a severe fetal diagnosis, a serious threat to the pregnant person's health, or both. These pregnancies are usually deeply wanted. Many parents have already chosen names, painted nurseries, felt kicks, and built dreams around the baby they were preparing to welcome.
TFMR is not the same as elective termination, and the cultural conversation often fails to make that distinction. This linguistic gap is one of the reasons TFMR grief in Missouri, New Jersey, and across the country so often goes unwitnessed. Families are left navigating a uniquely complex bereavement without a clear name for it, without rituals, and frequently without informed support.
For more on how pregnancy loss is understood clinically, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) offers helpful medical context, though the emotional terrain requires its own dedicated perinatal mental health space.
What TFMR Grief Actually Looks Like
TFMR grief is not linear. It is not tidy. And it is almost never just one feeling at a time. Parents often describe a swirling, simultaneous experience of emotions that can feel contradictory or even shameful to admit out loud.
Love That Doesn't End
The love you have for your baby did not disappear with the loss. Many TFMR parents describe their love as ongoing, as if it lives in a parallel quiet room inside them. You may still think about milestones, birthdays that never came, and what kind of personality your child might have had. This continuing bond is a normal, healthy part of grief.
Grief That Refuses to Be Categorized
You may grieve for the baby. You may also grieve the version of your life you thought you were stepping into. You may grieve your innocence, your trust in your body, your sense of safety in pregnancy. In Missouri and New Jersey, where we work with many parents through telehealth, we often hear: "I don't even know what part I'm crying about today." That, too, is grief.
Guilt That Visits Uninvited
Even when parents are intellectually certain that TFMR was the most loving choice available, guilt can show up anyway. Guilt is not evidence that you did something wrong. It is often a sign of how deeply you loved.
Relief That Carries Its Own Weight
Some parents feel moments of relief, especially after a prolonged diagnostic process or when a pregnancy was risking their health. Relief and grief can coexist. Feeling relief does not mean you didn't love your baby. It means your nervous system has finally exhaled after an unbearable chapter.
Profound Complexity, All at Once
Anger, numbness, longing, gratitude for support, rage at the silence, tenderness toward your body, alienation from your body. TFMR grief is layered grief. It deserves a therapist trained to hold every layer.
You are not alone in a crisis moment.
If you're experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. For perinatal-specific support, Postpartum Support International offers a helpline at 1-800-944-4773.
Why General Grief Counseling Often Falls Short for TFMR Families
Grief counseling can be powerful, but TFMR grief sits at a unique intersection of bereavement, perinatal mental health, medical trauma therapy, and disenfranchised loss. A generalist counselor in Missouri or New Jersey, however kind and skilled, may unintentionally cause harm if they are not trained in this specific terrain.
Here is what we often hear from clients who came to us after trying general therapy first:
- The therapist didn't understand the medical timeline. TFMR often involves a diagnostic process that unfolds over weeks, with multiple appointments, scans, second opinions, and conversations no parent should ever have to have. A therapist unfamiliar with this medical context can miss the trauma woven into the timeline itself.
- The therapist treated it as a simple miscarriage or as an abortion. TFMR is neither. Collapsing it into either category erases the parent's actual experience. Truly helpful grief therapy honors TFMR as its own form of pregnancy loss, with its own contours.
- The therapist's personal beliefs leaked into the room. TFMR is politically charged in the United States in ways that have nothing to do with the parents who live it. You deserve a therapist whose nonjudgmental presence is unwavering, not conditional. Dr. Pottenger's approach is rooted in respect for the impossible decisions parents face and the love behind those decisions.
- The therapist focused on "moving on." TFMR grief is not something you move on from. It is something you integrate. Skilled grief counseling at A New Day Psychology focuses on integration, meaning-making, and a continuing bond with your baby, not erasure.
Dr. Pottenger's Specialized Perinatal Loss Training and Approach
Dr. Kylie Pottenger is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 15 years of experience and Postpartum Support International (PSI) certification in perinatal mental health. Her training includes specialized work in pregnancy loss, infertility grief, traumatic birth, and the complex perinatal terrain that TFMR families navigate.
Just as importantly, Dr. Pottenger brings her own lived experience to the work. She has walked through infertility, postpartum anxiety, and pregnancy loss herself. That experience does not replace clinical expertise, it deepens it. When you sit across the screen from her during a Missouri or New Jersey telehealth session, you are meeting someone who understands the language of this grief from the inside out.
Her therapeutic approach blends evidence-based modalities tailored to where you are. For some TFMR clients in Missouri and New Jersey, that includes EMDR therapy to process the traumatic memories woven into the loss, such as the moment of diagnosis, the medical procedure, or the silence that followed. For others, it includes meaning-centered grief work, parts work, mindfulness, or careful attention to the body's grief responses.
You can learn more about Dr. Pottenger and her training, or explore the full range of perinatal mental health services available through telehealth.
TFMR Grief Therapy via Telehealth in Missouri and New Jersey
One of the gifts of telehealth is that you do not have to leave your home to access specialized care. For TFMR parents in Missouri, that means you can access a TFMR grief therapist whether you live in Kansas City, St. Louis, Springfield, Columbia, or a small town that has no perinatal loss specialist for hundreds of miles. For TFMR parents in New Jersey, that means support from Newark, Jersey City, Paterson, Elizabeth, or anywhere in the state, without the added burden of a commute on the days grief is loudest.
Because Dr. Pottenger is authorized through PSYPACT to practice across more than 40 states, you can also continue care if you move, travel, or split time between Missouri and New Jersey.
What Healing Can Look Like
Healing from TFMR is not about forgetting. It is not about closure in the sense of a door slamming shut. It is about learning to carry your baby with you, in the way that feels right for your family, while slowly making space for joy, hope, and other parts of life to return alongside the grief.
Healing might look like writing a letter to your baby. It might look like a yearly ritual. It might look like finally being able to look at a pregnant friend without breaking, or being able to break and know you'll recover. It might look like having one good day, then a hard one, then another good one.
For TFMR parents in Missouri and New Jersey who are ready to begin, a free 15-minute consultation is a soft, no-pressure first step. Questions about cost are welcome too, see our finance and payment page or visit our FAQ.
You Don't Have to Carry This Alone
If you're searching for a TFMR grief therapist in Missouri or New Jersey who truly understands, Dr. Pottenger is here. Telehealth sessions are confidential, warm, and built around the pace your grief needs.
Book Your Free 15-Minute Consultation
Frequently Asked Questions About TFMR Grief Counseling
Is TFMR grief considered a form of pregnancy loss?
Yes. TFMR is a form of pregnancy loss, and the grief is often as profound as, sometimes more complicated than, grief from miscarriage or stillbirth, because it carries an added layer of agonizing decision-making and frequent social silence.
Do I need to be in Missouri or New Jersey to work with Dr. Pottenger?
You need to be physically located in one of the PSYPACT states during sessions. Missouri and New Jersey are among the many states covered. You can view the full PSYPACT state map to confirm eligibility.
What if my partner and I are grieving differently?
Differing grief styles are extremely common after TFMR and do not mean your relationship is broken. Therapy can help each partner understand the other's grief language and prevent the loss from quietly creating distance.
How long does TFMR grief therapy take?
There is no fixed timeline. Some clients in Missouri and New Jersey work with Dr. Pottenger for a focused number of sessions, while others stay longer as they navigate anniversaries, subsequent pregnancies, or related trauma therapy needs. Your pace is honored.
Will I be judged for my decision?
No. Absolutely not. Dr. Pottenger's practice is built on a nonjudgmental, compassion-first foundation. Your story is held with care, respect, and clinical expertise.
What if I'm pregnant again after TFMR?
Pregnancy after TFMR is its own emotional landscape, layered with hope, fear, hypervigilance, and grief. Dr. Pottenger supports many parents through this season, often blending grief work with anxiety care and perinatal mental health support.
Begin When You're Ready
Dr. Kylie Pottenger offers specialized TFMR grief counseling via telehealth across Missouri, New Jersey, and 40+ PSYPACT states.
Book a free consultation: andpsych.com/book-consultation Phone: (417) 429-4580 Email: info@andpsych.com
About the Author
Dr. Kylie Pottenger, PsyD is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 15 years of experience, certified in perinatal mental health by Postpartum Support International and trained in ERP, Inference-Based CBT, EMDR, and CPT. She provides telehealth care across Missouri, New Jersey, and 40+ PSYPACT states. Dr. Pottenger brings both clinical expertise and her own lived experience of infertility, pregnancy loss, and postpartum anxiety to her work. Learn more about Dr. Pottenger.